These have been...my darkest nights

It seems ironic...I read through my previous posts and I wonder to myself, "Geez, I should take my own advice." It's hard to put a smile on your face and say, "God, I completely trust you. Do your will in my life." Sometimes, you have to be careful of what you ask for. Not too long ago I asked God to brake me, mold me, and transform me into something greater, someone bigger, something that my mind wouldn't be able to fathom. In a way, I'm getting what I asked for. All those things that held me back from getting close to Him are falling apart, more specifically, relationships that mean the world to me, to my heart. Seeing these things fade...it hurts. Deep down I know that they are only obstructions in my path, sinful desires...don't you ever wonder if there is really someone out there who cares about you? I'm not talking about God, I'm taking about someone of the oppossite sex. Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life but I'm only nineteen, why should I worry? No, you see, it's not marrriage I'm concerned with, it's someone who will physically be there when I need to cry and they'll tell me everything will be alright, someone who will care and love me unconditionally no matter what happens between us. But God is making me wait and I have been waiting for so long and I feel so alone. Each day goes by, not a call from a friend, not a simple text message asking how I'm doing, nothing.
People say cutting anf suicide are so over-rated but these emotions run deep and the can destroy the hope of life. I think about ending my life everyday. I find myself failing God in everything. Sometimes, I want to call it quits but at the end of the day, regardless of the fact that no one has shown any concern over me, at night, when I'm in the dark, at night when I cry until I can't any longer, I know that although my God is not physical, although I can't see him, I know that he knows my pain. I know that he wants me to hold on tight and not let go. I know he loves. I know and so, I fall asleep, in peace but awake with the burden the next morning.
I can say my life is not meaningless. I know I have a purpose and I know that it does not include a death by my own hands.
Please keep me in your prayers, as well as my fellow brothers and sisters around the world who struggle with these things.
God Bless You.